I’m Not the Best Mom After All

Maisie was an easy baby. Everyone would always say that Maisie was so sweet and easy going. I always assumed this was because Justin and I were so easy going (notice I didn’t say sweet). I thought that I was an amazing parent. I would say things like, “You don’t have to change your life just because you have a child!” And we sure didn’t. We still went to bars, stayed out till all hours of the night, Maisie took her little naps wherever we were, she stayed quiet during trips to the restaurant and even on 17 hour plane rides. She was a happy and content baby, even with her little permanent frown! Here’s a picture of her when she was just a couple months old!


Then I had a rude awakening with my second child. As soon as his whole body was out of the womb, he screamed. He screamed for 1 1/2 hours. There was literally NOTHING I could do to calm this poor little guy! He needed to express something and that is what he did! He has been COMPLETELY opposite of Maisie (well, except he does sleep amazingly well, which I am quite thankful for). If anything I feel more confident in my parenting, yet none of my tricks are working! If he isn’t hungry, he isn’t going to be happy nursing, like Maisie always was. He will nurse, but he will grunt his way through it. He wants a quiet and dark room to sleep in! WHAT?!?!? He is seriously high maintenance! People always told me I would get an easy baby and a hard baby. They were right!


I try and try to figure out why he is so upset sometimes. I’ve already cut out gluten, dairy, peanuts, and coffee out of my diet. He is allergic to almost every detergent and perfume, so if anyone holds him, the poor guy gets a rash that literally oozes! It looks quite painful. Poor little buster!

Anyways, this post wasn’t to go off about how my second child screams. It is just that even though I didn’t say it at the time, I think I was crediting myself to how amazing Maisie was as a baby. But me thinking that either means that yes, I was amazing and now I am not OR that it has nothing to do with parenting and all to do with the personality of your kid. Maybe it’s a bit of both. The last few months have EASILY been the hardest few months of my life and I am sure that little buster can sense that.

I love him through the screaming though and it makes me so much more thankful for the smiles and coos that I do get. It only drives me ABSOLUTELY insane when we are trying to get out of the house and Maisie won’t put her shoes and jacket on and I forget to have Maisie go pee in the toilet and Cutler is screaming because he is tired or hot or hungry or who knows why.

So the conclusion to this story is that I love both my kids and I am trying the best I can. They are both so different.

I appreciate that Maisie was an easy baby and has always been considerate and compassionate and kind. She has always been a thinker and is so articulate. She can be very serious, but also very fun and crazy! Maisie has a strong desire for relationships and is not scared to make new friends! She walks right up to other kids in the park with a chipper, “Hola!” hoping to make a new friend. She is very artistic and loves to dance, color, and is already quite picky about what she wears!


I still feel like I am getting to know Cutler, but I can say that I appreciate that he has always expressed himself strongly and won’t back down from what he wants until he gets it! He’s a fighter! I like that as this is something that I am not so strong in. I hope he keeps this characteristic, even if it means life isn’t so easy for me! He is happiest when he is naked or when we are singing to him or when Maisie is making faces and noises at him. I can already tell he is going to be a daddy’s boy. He loves his dad!


I love my kids.



  1. Mom on March 16, 2010 at 6:10 pm

    Awwww. I love your kids too. And you’re right Jen, parenting is hard because we never know what to expect with who God gives us to parent. You’re little guy is going to be a scrapper…whereas your little gal is quite the princess. She will be in her tower singing happily (with little birds and animals singing along) and he will be the dragon slaying, don’t mess with me warrior. It never IS about us as parents…and you’re doing great. I love you and miss you!

  2. Kimberly Lanni on March 16, 2010 at 8:37 pm

    Beautiful depiction of parenting. And I am sure that the different personalities of your children have nothing to do with you being a good parent (and you are)!! It’s human nature for us to want to explain things in a tangible way, but God likes to keep us on our toes! My two are complete opposites in every sense of the word…for example, my barely 1 year old has nearly physically outgrown his 3 1/2 year old sister already. Both ate the same milk/foods – I can’t explain it. He’s cool, calm, and collected. She has a zest for life and is easily overstimulated. Her behavior must be managed with a strong hand while he bursts into tears when you look at him with a frown. They are both perfect & you can see Dennis and I in them but they are sooo individually unique.

    Anyway, I love the updates about your little ones — We’d love to meet them someday!

    Best Wishes

  3. Amy Edwards on March 16, 2010 at 8:51 pm

    I loved this Jen! Cool that you are back on your blog.
    Parenting is full of so many unforeseen things. Even tonight I was caught off guard with a question that got me thinking that Jason and I better lay some ground rules on dating pretty soon!! It’s crazy what each little place in life your kids are at, brings you. And both will be so different and respond so different to the same issues. I made fish tonight, and Ethan and Avery both had a hard time eating it. I said “I can tell by the looks on your faces, that you LOVE fish, so I am going to make it every night for the rest of this year”. Avery chimes in and says “Ethan, don’t say “REALLY??” mom is just kidding”. The fact that she knew that not only was I kidding, but also how her brother would react! And how Ethan would still believe me! Anyway…You are doing great! It’s always going to be a learning process!!! xoxo (sorry for the long comment. I was thinking I was emailing for a sec!)

  4. Andi on March 16, 2010 at 9:03 pm

    Jen…thanks for talking so frankly about this. I don’t think women talk enough about how hard it is to be a mom. I don’t doubt that every mom has felt this once in a while. Anyhow, your kids are darling, and Maisie and Chloe seem like they have the exact same personality. I hope they get to meet someday.

    By the way…you are a rock star for downing your placenta! That takes balls.

  5. Carolyn Wallis on March 17, 2010 at 12:22 am

    You are the best mom for your kids.

    Thanks for your honest post. You are not alone in your difficulties in dealing with your son and the sometimes rude awakening of parenting.

    God so uses these little munchkins (and taller munchkins) to keep us before the Throne of Grace and depending on God, doesn’t He?

    Keep loving and considering, as you have been doing.

  6. Chelsea on March 17, 2010 at 5:04 pm

    LOVED this post…. thanks for the transparency!

    Maisie totally got you ready for Cutler 🙂

  7. mariah on March 25, 2010 at 8:03 pm

    Culter sounds a lot like Isaac. I just wrote a post about a great book that I wish I had read when Isaac was an infant and he lived on top of me and hardly slept so on and so on. http://makeitintosomethingbeautiful.wordpress.com/2010/03/17/fussy-baby/
    it’s really encouraging and has a ton of great information.
    It’s cool that your looking at his personality as a positive thing and that he is able to really let you know that he wants something. It’s amazing to see who God picks for your family.

Leave a Comment