Here is a little peek into our daily life. I actually caught Justin doing his booty dance! yesssssssssss

There is something missing in my life and there is absolutely NOTHING I can do about it. I am not used to being so helpless. But here I am, more helpless than I’d care to ever be. Stuck. Can’t get out. I’m a fixer and I can’t fix this. I have a hole in my heart and the shape of that hole looks something like this picture: I miss my sister. I want her here or I want to be there. Can’t go there and can’t bring her here. I feel this loss every day and feel like it needs to change. Like it HAS to change. But it can’t and I see no hope. And for me, that just feels terrible. Probably one of the worst feelings I’ve ever experienced. I want this hole in my heart to be filled.

Why did Justin have to get out the other scale? Weren’t we doing just fine with the one that has you losing one pound more and not measuring body fat percentage? Why did I think it was a good idea to get a scale that measures body fat percentage in the first place? And how is the percentage that it keeps showing me even possible!? Tell me how!! I remember a long time back in high school when I had some sort of exercise class (that I always pretended to be sick in or skipped so as not to have to move any more than I absolutely had to). In this class we talked about a healthy body fat percentage for women/girls. Let’s just say “big mama” (as I will refer to myself) did not fit in the category. I have never been obese or even overweight considering my height,…

VERY recently, Justin and I went through an extremely difficult time in our marriage. Pretty much November, December, and January were hideous months for us. There were a lot of stresses going on. We had just moved over to Spain and the reality of that was beginning to sink in. No more wonderful honeymoon stage. Our residency was having all sorts of ridiculous unforeseen issues. I was expecting our second child and was scared that he wouldn’t come in time and that a home birth wouldn’t be an option if that were the case. Maisie was accepted into her school, but we didn’t have the finances to make it happen. Our apartment was empty with no money to furnish it. We had biting ants from the furniture we did find on the streets! My grandfather passed away and we were unable to be a part of the whole (or any…

Maisie was an easy baby. Everyone would always say that Maisie was so sweet and easy going. I always assumed this was because Justin and I were so easy going (notice I didn’t say sweet). I thought that I was an amazing parent. I would say things like, “You don’t have to change your life just because you have a child!” And we sure didn’t. We still went to bars, stayed out till all hours of the night, Maisie took her little naps wherever we were, she stayed quiet during trips to the restaurant and even on 17 hour plane rides. She was a happy and content baby, even with her little permanent frown! Here’s a picture of her when she was just a couple months old! Then I had a rude awakening with my second child. As soon as his whole body was out of the womb, he screamed.…