I had a rough day today. It was just one of those days where you question why you are doing what you are doing, why you are living where you are living, etc. etc. It all started in the wee hours of the morning when I was still sleeping. In my first dream, Justin asked another girl (he met in a hot tub) if she would marry him. I woke up to wake him up and tell him I did not appreciate that. I was mad at him for real, even after waking up. I went back to sleep to next dream that my teeth had rotted and were falling out. It was so stressful to figure out what dentist I would go to and also deal with the fact that I may have false teeth at the age of 27.
I am an angry waker. I next woke up to Justin staring at me. I know this is sweet and all and he did explain, "you are just so beautiful when you sleep," but it is just not fun to be stared at in such a vulnerable state. Am I wrong? I covered the blankets over me and turned over. He continued to be sweet and after getting out of the shower, he sat next to me and scratched my back. He then asked me if I would come sit by him as he eats his yogurt. So, I wrapped my blanket around me and sat with him. Out of nowhere, I started crying.
I think I am scared. Yep. Definitely scared. I am just a little over eight weeks pregnant and crazy thoughts are running through my mind! Being so far from family and friends during such a HUGE time in my life is a little scary for me. Not to mention that I feel like a completely different person. I have been nauseated and exhausted and pretty much completely out of it. So, I sit in the leather chair in our living room for about 12 hours a day, trying not to feel so sick.
Tonight as I was writing with my sister on instant messenger, she was eating a fudgesicle. I want a fudgesicle. But they don’t have them in France. Then I thought of Taco Bell and Del Taco bean burritos. I literally got choked up and almost burst into tears thinking about how I so desperately wanted a bean burrito. They don’t sell re-fried beans here and it is rare to find tortillas. No fast food Mexican restaurants, let alone any type of Mexican restaurant. Thank goodness, we had ONE can of Taco Bell re-fried beans left that my sister, Amy, had sent over in a care package! Justin realized my tears were about to spill over and offered to make me bean burritos! We even had a few Taco Bell hot sauce packets that had also been sent to us! It was a dream come true. I mean, not really because my teeth didn’t fall out. But it was a good dream. It was the best way to end a really hard day. I am so blessed to have Justin. He has been amazing! He is now doing almost all of the cooking and cleaning! I love him. I love his burritos that are made with love for me and for the little baby growing inside me!