Poor me

Long Time No Write

Congratulations to me. I’ve made it! It has now been a bit over one year since we moved to Barcelona. Hardest year in my life by far. Thank God it is done with! When I think of the first year in Barcelona, these are the first things that come to mind. 1. Crying baby who had a horrible oozing rash. 2. Cold, dark, empty apartment. 3. Fights with Justin. 4. Maisie trying to find her way and her place. 5. Loneliness We went back to the states for a month to BREATHE. Although it was extremely busy with one of my best friend’s wedding, we did have a few moments to just be and relax. Not much, but it did happen. We also were able to figure out what was wrong with my poor little Cutler’s skin. I know in my previous post I had said his rash was gone,…

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Big Mama

Why did Justin have to get out the other scale? Weren’t we doing just fine with the one that has you losing one pound more and not measuring body fat percentage? Why did I think it was a good idea to get a scale that measures body fat percentage in the first place? And how is the percentage that it keeps showing me even possible!? Tell me how!! I remember a long time back in high school when I had some sort of exercise class (that I always pretended to be sick in or skipped so as not to have to move any more than I absolutely had to). In this class we talked about a healthy body fat percentage for women/girls. Let’s just say “big mama” (as I will refer to myself) did not fit in the category. I have never been obese or even overweight considering my height,…

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My Pregnancy Pains

Such an adventure. I remember being about seven months pregnant with Maisie and literally running/wobbling full speed to catch a bus or metro in order to not be late for our appointment to look at an apartment. We did this for a couple weeks before we found the right apartment. This time around is almost no different. We are looking for an apartment again, but this time around I am six months pregnant instead of seven. It also feels like the the baby might just shoot out at any point when I try to run across a street or run to catch a bus. I don’t remember that feeling with Maisie. On just a normal day in “the OC” I would complain to my sister that “my regions hurt.” Yeah, she would make fun of me and tell me to be quiet because people could hear! Well, now I am…

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Missing home and not even gone yet

I value honestly and authenticity and I know that can be dangerous, especially if I decide to be those things on my blog, but oh well, it’s who I am, so therefore, I have to be honest. I have to think that other people in ministry go through the same things as I do and so I will write about what I am dealing with these days. I’ve been REALLY struggling with the idea of going back to Europe this time. It isn’t that I don’t love Europe or don’t see the need to be in Europe or that I feel like God hasn’t done amazing things to get us to Europe. It is just that I am terribly afraid of loneliness in Europe. I am also feeling anxiety about having this baby in Europe (yes, I am 12 weeks pregnant!). Every time Justin and I (and Maisie too) have…

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Packing… the story of my life

It’s sort of sad when you travel and move around so often, that you just keep your child’s toys in a suitcase. Really, there was nowhere else to put it. I guess we could have bought some sort of toy bin or basket, but we would just be packing it up to move again at some point in the near future. The time has come where we are packing up again and let me tell you, it plain sucks. I hate it. I despise it. Not because I hate packing or organizing or whatever, but because I hate what it does to Maisie. It is so hard for her to see her toys be zipped up, not to be seen for who knows how long. This may sound ridiculous to some of you as I get that there are kids who don’t even have toys, or kids who don’t have…

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Alone

I’ve been having this feeling lately of feeling alone. I write on my blog to try and help me feel connected to people, yet it just makes me feel more disconnected. It didn’t used to feel this way, but now it does. I don’t know why, really. Nothing has changed that I’m aware of. It just feels so empty. Sort of like a one sided friendship. Like I am giving of myself and not really receiving anything in return. Not that I am supposed to expect something in return, but I sort of thought that it would help me stay connected to people from far away, but really I don’t think it is. Maybe it is helping people stay connected to me, but I don’t feel that. All I feel is that people know what’s going on in my life, and I have no clue what is going on in…

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