I’ve been having this feeling lately of feeling alone. I write on my blog to try and help me feel connected to people, yet it just makes me feel more disconnected. It didn’t used to feel this way, but now it does. I don’t know why, really. Nothing has changed that I’m aware of. It just feels so empty.
Sort of like a one sided friendship. Like I am giving of myself and not really receiving anything in return. Not that I am supposed to expect something in return, but I sort of thought that it would help me stay connected to people from far away, but really I don’t think it is. Maybe it is helping people stay connected to me, but I don’t feel that. All I feel is that people know what’s going on in my life, and I have no clue what is going on in theirs.
I don’t know if this even makes sense. I think I am at the prime time of one of the stages of culture shock or transition or whatever, so I am probably just feeling it more heavily than normal.
With all that to say, friends, I miss hearing from you. If you read my blog, please know that I would love to hear from you as well. Even though my life may look a certain way, it can be terribly lonely. I need relationships and friendships so bad, even if you live far away, I still need you! This isn’t to say that I don’t have friends here, but lately, I’ve been grieving my friendships from the states.
This post isn’t to say that I have crap friends, because I am so honored to have the friends I do!! I’m just missing them.
So I’ve been contemplating quitting my blog. I know that sounds crazy for me to say, but I can see how many people read my blog daily and it is nowhere near how many people I stay in contact with. I really have no clue who is reading about my life, my husband’s life, my child’s life. I could probably just as easily write emails and keep family and friends posted that way. Maybe it will bring a bit more of a personal feel back into my life.
I don’t like the sterile feel that I’ve been getting on my blog. That isn’t how friendships are supposed to be. I want people to ask me how I’m doing, not just read about it on my blog. But in return, I need to be asking those same questions! I realize I haven’t been the best of friend in this area. It’s something I want to work on.
So there are my ramblings today.