Missing home and not even gone yet

I value honestly and authenticity and I know that can be dangerous, especially if I decide to be those things on my blog, but oh well, it’s who I am, so therefore, I have to be honest. I have to think that other people in ministry go through the same things as I do and so I will write about what I am dealing with these days.

I’ve been REALLY struggling with the idea of going back to Europe this time. It isn’t that I don’t love Europe or don’t see the need to be in Europe or that I feel like God hasn’t done amazing things to get us to Europe. It is just that I am terribly afraid of loneliness in Europe. I am also feeling anxiety about having this baby in Europe (yes, I am 12 weeks pregnant!).

Every time Justin and I (and Maisie too) have moved to a new European city, we have had some sort of support system. SOMEONE to just take us in and love us and care for us. I am a people person and as our time to leave gets closer and closer it freaks me out to think that we will be entering this new city with no one there to welcome us. I just worry that I will be doing everything alone. Raising Maisie, having this new baby, it all just seems so hopeless right now. I’ve been feeling this anxiety for a while now (well, since I found out I was pregnant) and let me tell you, it isn’t fun dealing with this!!!

Justin and I went on a date night tonight while my sister and her husband and two kids watched Maisie. It was amazing knowing that Maisie was in good hands and that Justin and I could just enjoy each other knowing that Maisie was having a blast with family. Then tonight when we got home, Avery (my five year old niece) came up to touch the baby in my tummy. It made me tear up thinking of how amazing it would be for family to actually be able to be a part of the birth of one of my children.  Just makes me really sad. I know this is part of what we give up when we choose to live in another country, but it is definitely the part I do not like in the least bit.

I think my pregnancy hormones are raging.


  1. Mom on May 22, 2009 at 5:42 am

    well my little hunny bunny, if it’s any consolation, i’m having a really tough time with you leaving this time too. i don’t know why (i’m positive it’s not pregnancy hormones :-).

    however, i picture you and your sweet family developing a new life, new friends and new opportunities…and it’s all good. you are a good mama jen, and a good wife. God’s going to take this time ‘apart’ for you and your family to build you and grow you into someone you wouldn’t be if you stayed here. (i have to tell you all these things so i can breathe when you leave ;-/ ).

    of course there will have to be a trip in the works to come meet my new grandbaby, play with maisie and love on my daughter. i love you jen.

  2. Joselyn on May 23, 2009 at 1:16 pm

    Jen, maybe this is a time for you to be the one to take others in and be there for them. and, of course you know, God is there for you. He doesn’t have “skin”, but is so much better than skin. He knows just what you need.

  3. jen braun on May 23, 2009 at 7:39 pm

    jen, i have somewhat been there. it’s hard, i am not pretending it’s not, but like joselyn sad maybe God is going to allow you to take someone in and take care of them. my prayers are with you. love you!

  4. Ann on May 26, 2009 at 11:15 pm

    I know that God will give you the desires of your heart. You are strong plus little Maisie will be an incredible helper. I see it in her to be a wonderful big sister. When you feel lonely this winter, drop me a line and I’ll be there to help you awhile with your growing family.

  5. Carey on July 7, 2009 at 2:54 pm

    I know what you mean, Jen. We’re leaving tonight for Italy, and we’ll be there for the next 4 years. We had to say good-bye to all of our extended family. I almost feel bad for taking away their three little grandsons (we have a 7 yr old, 2 yr old, and 6 mo old). But I’m also excited at all of the amazing opportuinites our kids will have by living overseas. I hope you will be surprised by some amazing friendships. Carey

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