Funk. It is weird when you are in a total and complete funk and don’t even realize it. I think I have been in a funk for the last year. Seriously. A WHOLE YEAR! Maybe I am still in it and just don’t realize it yet. But I do feel like I am happy again.
I was talking with my friend Danielle the other day and said, "I finally feel back to normal." Her response was something like, "Jen, I have heard you say that so many times." WHAT?!?! It is true. I just feel like this year has been so up and down. A lot of down, but definitely some ups. Last summer was way up, well until the bad haircut experience.
I am so thankful for grace. I know I am sounding like Justin now, but seriously, I have been given so much grace this year. Grace by my friends when I don’t call them back because I am depressed and want to sit on my computer and play card games instead, grace from my team when I get bitter and angry at them and become divisive and judgmental, grace from Justin when I bite his head off for something so silly, and oh the list goes on!
I am not always given this grace that is so freeing. It is hard and hurtful when someone is unwilling to give grace and uses judgment instead. It is almost like I feel like I deserve grace. But isn’t grace something that is undeserved? Although I have found freedom and joy in giving (and receiving) grace, I have also found that it can’t be forced. I so want people to give me grace, yet I am quick to withhold it and use judgment instead. Recently I have learned a beautiful lesson when grace has been withheld, and that is to give and to pray to give grace to other people, even the ones that hurt you. A bonus in this, is that it takes the power of that hurt away. And once again, with or without grace being given from another person, you are free!
Now I just hope I will be free from the funk. NO MORE FUNK!