My Judgmental Journey with God
I know I have been blogging a lot, but just bear with me, as I guess I feel like I have a lot to say!
Today as I was doing the dishes, I was thinking about how we are all in different places in our journey with God. I can think back and look at the different places I have been. Here are some that stand out.
First, the judgmental everyone is going to hell stage. Yes, I really did think that at a point. I remember being VERY concerned that my sister was ruining her chance to tell some close family members about Jesus because she had a glass of wine with them. Oh yeah, I really thought that. I think I even may have cried!!! During that time, I remember feeling so strongly that it was from God. Weird, huh?
Another stage is when Justin was working at a church (we were married) and I questioned EVERYTHING. I remember walking into a worship service wondering if people were singing to a God that even existed. It was sort of scary being a "pastors wife" and questioning something you were supposed to be leading others in!
Then I became judgmental in a whole new way. I began feeling like EVERY church was doing things wrong (especially the one I was in) and I felt like it was a strong conviction from the Lord!
Recently, Justin and I have been "judged" by some fellow Christians and so it has made me think back to the days when I was judging as well. The interesting thing is that when this happened (just recently) I began to judge them for judging me! How ridiculous is that?
So, I have been thinking about our journey with God. I am nowhere near to figuring it out, but it is interesting to think that (at least for me) when I was in these judgmental phases, I had really felt like it was from God, just as people judging us or our ministry may feel as though it is from God. And maybe it very well is from God, but maybe we are channeling our anger and judgmentalism in the wrong way. I don’t know. It is just something I have been pondering on.
I have come to realize that instead of judging the people that are judging me or think differently than I do, I am going to respect where they are at in their journey. It feels SO much better inside when I choose to respect others, rather than judge them. I would have wanted that respect when I was feeling a conviction about something, whether I handled it best, or not. I know, I know, then I have to question whether it was even God giving me that conviction, but that is too deep for me to even begin thinking about. So, I will leave it to someone like Justin to write about!
Jen, thanks for your realness. I learn a lot from you. I think everyone, if being sincerely honest, can relate to your words. Thanks.
I think this a good post…It’s been great to see how on your journey God has taught you how to see yourself more clearly.
My ‘deep’ thought on this is that I believe that there are times when we project what we think God may feel about something based upon who we have come to believe He is. This projection could be wrong due to lack of study, bad theology, misinformation from teachers, etc…I think as growing Christians we all go through stages…Babies don’t eat with a fork and knife right out of the womb! I believe that God’s true heart is for redemption, making relationships right, and guiding people back to Himself. And I believe that above all Jesus and the Bible clearly say that judgment is reserved for God, and unity is our responsibility. I think being self-aware enough to admit we don’t know it all about God is a great start to us all being able to come together on a level of grace and humility. Sorry for the long reply! This isn’t my blog!