Something Sad

Today was just one of those days.  Tears and lots of them.  First of all, we have been working super hard to find a new place to live (only two weeks till we have to be out of here) and the competition is crazy for an apartment.  The demand is definitely higher than the supply when it comes to apartments in France AND we are competing against French couples, which makes it that much more hard.  I know in my heart that it is only God that will get us an apartment, which is so true, but it is still hard to remember.  So I was reading a devotional book that someone gave me last Christmas and it was talking about a missionary in Africa that had to move six times in three months due to things like her house burning down.  Wow, puts things into perspective, eh?

I just feel physically and emotionally exhausted.  Physically exhausted because of all the walking through the city and having a child growing inside me and putting all her pressure on my child bearing body.  And emotionally exhausted because I just have so much on my mind with the apartment, the baby, and everything else.  I just want to have a normal day already!!!

Today Justin and I looked at another apartment that was in the prostitute district.  As we waited in the courtyard for the lady to show us the apartment, a man was also there, very nicely dressed.  We assumed he was also there to look at the apartment.  We sat and watched as a prostitute came out from a job to wait for her next client, right in the entrance to the courtyard we were waiting in.   Not a minute later, the nicely dressed man approached the woman, and off they walked to a room in the same courtyard as the apartment we went to look at.  It was disturbing and sad to say the least.  It is one thing to see the women on the street, but it is a whole other thing to see the interactions take place between a prostitute and her client.  To see a nice looking man walk away with a woman who is used for what her body can give this man.  It was just so heartbreaking.  It scared me as well.  I don’t know why, but everything in me screamed, "NO!  NOT THIS AREA!"  The apartment was very dirty and gave us the creeps, nothing like the one we had seen previously on the same street. 

So after the apartment search, the reality of people’s hurts right in our faces (the man’s as well as the woman’s), and then the realization of having only two weeks to find an apartment, pack up our apartment and move out, I am just tired and emotional.  Sometimes my heart breaks for other people and I don’t know how to handle it.  Today I handled it by crying and having a pity party for myself.  I hope tomorrow will be better!  I am tired and probably not making sense, so I am off to bed.  Nighty night.


  1. Jim on September 22, 2006 at 9:10 pm

    At the end of August we were in the middle of a time-crunch stress time (also related to moving) of our own. So I read with special empathy! I can’t imagine how frustrating your situation must be.

    You may or may not have had a “pity party”, but that’s just a huge amount of strain for anyone to be under.

    A normal day sounds like a good idea. Can you go somewhere and buy those? I’ll take two. 😉

  2. Mom on September 23, 2006 at 11:41 am

    Jen…I’m glad you’re sharing some of your heart and soul with those that want to come alongside you in your struggle. I can encourage, support and pray (because moms do that alot), but cannot EVEN imagine the ups and downs of your situation. It will be so cool to see how God answers all the prayers that are being lifted up for you!!!
    I love you!

  3. Bridget Brewster on September 25, 2006 at 2:42 am

    Ohhh Jen, thanks for being so transparent and honest. Who knows where God will want you, mayhaps there. We’re surrounded by brothels and it’s difficult to have that in your face all the time. We know God will provide the right place for you esp. because He knows your heart is breaking for the least of these brothers and sisters. You’re weren’t having a pity party, you were just in tune with God and His breaking heart. Proud of you, Sis, love you..Bb

  4. Rogier on September 25, 2006 at 3:39 am

    Jen, I pray God’s grace may envelop you and Justin right now in this search. May you find a place that will be home and can become a comfort to many.

  5. Conni Haynes on October 2, 2006 at 11:28 pm

    My dear…You are so transparent and that is a gift that not many people have. Thanks for sharing and helping us here to appreciate what we have in the Good Old USA You are in my prayers as you seek to find the place that God wants you to live in. You, Justin and the baby’s safety is my prayer.

    I have something for you well, actually for the baby and I wondered if your mom or your sister will be with you when you have the baby and I will get it to them to bring to you. If not though, I can mail it to France but I will need an address. Keep us informed, Jen Much Love Conni (ALC)

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