Today was the day that Justin picked up all our STUFF from the shipping company.  Yes, it arrived!  A billion dollars later, it is here!  I didn’t think it was going to be a big deal.  We had just seen the STUFF in Paris a few weeks ago.  Some of our STUFF in Paris had been ruined by rats and who knows what else (I talked about that in a previous post).  I seriously try not to get attached to STUFF, but it hard.  There is memory in STUFF.

Pretty much the whole reason Justin and I even decided to ship furniture back to the states is because we wanted Maisie’s crib.  We kept talking about how great it will be to have her crib.  After all, we had worked very hard on this crib!  We LOVED this crib!  Little baby goo goo loved this crib too!  We all loved the crib!  Well, it arrived.  But not all of it.  Certain rods are missing and basically all the hardware.  We can’t, for the life of us, figure out where we may have put this hardware.  It is about driving Justin mad.  I didn’t think it was a big deal, until I went upstairs and talked to my Jesus lady (as some of you have called her to me), Carol.  I just started crying as I was telling her about the missing parts of the crib.

It got me thinking of how frustrating this move has been on so many levels.  We didn’t leave in the healthiest of ways.  I mean, we did our best (I think and pray and hope).  But we still didn’t leave with a lot of closure.  We couldn’t wait to leave, yet we hated that we HAD to leave.  No, nobody was telling us to go, but we just couldn’t stay.

I just wonder what I am supposed to learn through this.  Through the crib.  I know it is just stuff, but it doesn’t mean it hurts any less.  The crib is just one more little sting to our leaving Paris.  I don’t even know if that makes sense.  It brings out anger and frustration and sadness and a feeling of defeat.  I KNOW all this will make me stronger.  It just hurts to be in the midst of it.  Right when I think things are getting better, more STUFF happens.

I am sick of STUFF.  But I am thankful to have some of our STUFF in tact (in our hearts as well as in our shipment).

(If you want to watch a mini movie of Maisie in her crib you can click here to a previous post)


  1. eva on April 5, 2008 at 2:28 am

    I know what that feels like. And it gets very frustrating! Especially because stuff gives us (me, anyway) a sense of belonging as I am a global nomad. It’s not materialism, really… Anyway, I hope you find all the lost parts of the crib.
    Question: have you seen “Paris, Je T’Aime”?? I watched it the other night, loved it.. I figured you might like it, since you lived there.

  2. Mom on April 5, 2008 at 7:53 am

    Oh Jen…this post speaks so much truth on so many levels. I’ll be in prayer that wherever you ‘safely’ tucked that hardware will come to mind and you’ll be able to complete Maisie’s crib. I’m so thankful you have Carol to talk to (though I wish it were me that lived just right upstairs, though I can’t speak into your life as the Jesus lady, just only your mom 🙂 And I’m so grateful you and Justin have this time in your lives to process your hurts, wounds and healing. I love you.

  3. your bff on April 5, 2008 at 1:46 pm

    hey jen – so sorry about the crib & everything. i know that must feel like a setback when things were just barely starting to come together. that just stinks.

    ps – i still want you to come do my hair 🙂

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