Shedding the funky stuff
I usually don’t try to use metaphors or any of that kind of stuff when talking or writing or doing anything really. That’s Justin’s thing. But I needed an excuse to tie in these cute pictures of Maisie in the leaves, so I am going to do it.
So yes, it is fall here in Holland!! And as I was pondering these pictures of Maisie in the leaves, it actually did make me think of how this “season” in life has really been about getting rid of the yucky stuff, and praying that good will grow back in place of it. I don’t even know if this works, but just stick with me.
As you have maybe read in my previous posts when I was going through my blog crisis (sorry about that by the way, hope I didn’t offend anyone… I’m over it now), I was really coming to terms with how crappy of a friend I’ve been. I’ve realized SO much the mistakes I have made in the past with friends and my lack of pursuing them and I see how that has hurt people. I was flaky for reasons of feeling overwhelmed in life or depressed or some sort of fear.
A good example of me wanting to cancel was yesterday. My friend called me up wanting to hang out. Great! But then she invited me to her house! That would mean I would have to find my way to her house! OH NO!! And Justin wasn’t here to help me! EVEN WORSE! I would have to not only find my way to her house, but take the tram there! SHOOT! Then I would have to buy a tram ticket because Justin had them all with him! THERE WAS SO MUCH GOING AGAINST IT! So maybe this doesn’t seem like a big deal to you, but it was to me. There was every reason to cancel right then and there. But guess what? I didn’t! I walked my butt to the tram stop (which I have never been to before), got on the right tram, took it to the right station (which was called something like Frankenstein, but sounded like Esestein), got off the tram, walked ALL BY MYSELF (not counting Maisie) to her house! YAY ME! This was a huge accomplishment!!
Then today the same friend invited me to ride my bike to her house with her. This time I would have to take it back to my apartment BY MYSELF in the DARK!!! I thought about it for two seconds and agreed. It was actually just fine and I didn’t get lost! It was a little creepy in the dark, but I managed!
So this really does have to do with shedding the funky stuff because this whole flaky Jen thing has gone on long enough. I want my friends to be able to count on me. I want to love my friends and not be so selfish. So I hope that the selfish Jen parts of me will continue to fall off the tree of Jen. Haha, that doesn’t make sense, but I can pretend.
And here are the pictures of Maisie playing in the leaves! Grandma Christine got her hooked to walking on crunchy leaves!!! And by the way, as you can see, Maisie still makes the funny “CHEESE” face when she poses for the camera!
And Amy, those are Avery’s little pants that Maisie is wearing!! They are a bit big, but soooo cute!!!
jen – i can really identify with what you’re saying. sometimes i, too shy away from the unfamiliar – especially in foreign countries! yaaaay for you!
jen. wow! and yay! the mom part of me wants to say ‘now now honey…you’re not a bad friend’, however, we are most often convicted by our own thoughts and decisions… it’s so cool to see how God is strengthening you! by the way, you have one of the three most adorable kids i know! 🙂 glad maisie’s enjoying the crunchy leaves there, and her mama ALWAYS did the cheesecake smile.
Great writing. There are some wonderful insights here that we can all take to heart. Thanks Jen for helping us refocus.
Jen, you are awesome! Way to shed the funky stuff girl. I am with your mama in saying that I don’t feel you are a bad friend! Maybe that’s because from the day I met you (really met you) you told me exactly who you are. “You have to call me…cause I won’t call you.” or “I really want to do ‘fill in the blank’, but I am feeling overwhelmed by ‘fill in the blank’.” You told me you don’t pursue well and I learned that didn’t mean you don’t love me! Maybe we just fit together…I don’t know, but I love you for the courage you are finding in yourself! Way to go Jen, keep on growing!
Oh, and Liza says…”I LOVE MAISIE!”
Well first of all…I don’t remember those pants at all. Funny.
2nd, I totally get what you are saying. I feel like I have been going through the same transformation. I am known to cancel the last minute due to unforeseen circumstances. Or just things that might be a little overwhelming to me…instead of just pushing through and dealing. The other night was Jason’s birthday and I had forgot about it when I had commited to bringing a new mom a dinner meal. I tried like crazy to get someone to cover but for some reason that night wasn’t good for ANYONE. I felt terrible because I was torn on blessing a lady who I barely know, to focusing on my husband for his birthday. I almost called her and told her that night wouldn’t work but honestly, how would that make me look? So I cooked up a chicken and took it over to her and Jason, me and the kids had a nice time together afterward.
That is a bad example…but I am ALWAYS canceling at the last minute for reasons that make me feel anxiety or a sense of uncertainty or being overwhelmed for some reason. I would have really contemplated the tram like you did. That is for sure!
Anyway…we can encourage each other! I have noticed, the less I flake, I more friends I make and the more fun I have! Go figure!!