Out of the Funk and into Freedom

Funk.  It is weird when you are in a total and complete funk and don’t even realize it.  I think I have been in a funk for the last year.  Seriously.  A WHOLE YEAR!  Maybe I am still in it and just don’t realize it yet.   But I do feel like I am happy again.

I was talking with my friend Danielle the other day and said, "I finally feel back to normal."  Her response was something like, "Jen, I have heard you say that so many times."  WHAT?!?!  It is true.  I just feel like this year has been so up and down.  A lot of down, but definitely some ups.  Last summer was way up, well until the bad haircut experience. 

I am so thankful for grace.  I know I am sounding like Justin now, but seriously, I have been given so much grace this year.  Grace by my friends when I don’t call them back because I am depressed and want to sit on my computer and play card games instead, grace from my team when I get bitter and angry at them and become divisive and judgmental, grace from Justin when I bite his head off for something so silly, and oh the list goes on!

I am not always given this grace that is so freeing.  It is hard and hurtful when someone is unwilling to give grace and uses judgment instead.  It is almost like I feel like I deserve grace.  But isn’t grace something that is undeserved?  Although I have found freedom and joy in giving (and receiving) grace, I have also found that it can’t be forced.  I so want people to give me grace, yet I am quick to withhold it and use judgment instead.  Recently I have learned a beautiful lesson when grace has been withheld, and that is to give and to pray to give grace to other people, even the ones that hurt you.  A bonus in this, is that it takes the power of that hurt away.  And once again, with or without grace being given from another person, you are free! 

Now I just hope I will be free from the funk.  NO MORE FUNK!