Rules When Speaking to a Pregnant Woman

OH YES! There are rules! I’ve been thinking a lot about pregnancy lately. Partly because I can’t wait to settle down somewhere and get pregnant again and partly because I have a lot of friends who have just either had a baby or are pregnant right now. It got me to thinking of all the crazy, ridiculous, rude, and inappropriate things that have been said to me during and right after pregnancy. So now that I am not boiling with anger or shame or insecurity anymore, I thought it would be fun to share them!

I have to warn some of you though, you may be reading words that came from your lips. I am not trying to be passive aggressive in confronting you as many people say weird things to pregnant women. I just thought there should be a little lesson from one who has experienced some funny comments.

Things not to say to Jen (or any other woman for that matter) when she is pregnant or just had a baby:

Starting from the first comment I can remember to the last….

1. “Looks like you need to lay off the donuts!!!” (then that person continues to laugh as I run to the back room to cry).  haha, I am laughing about now, but at the time, horror, especially as I was just starting to show.

2. “You are sure carrying wide.” (NEVER SAY THAT!!!!)

3. “I’ve never noticed those love handles before. Look at how it is hanging over your jeans.” 

4. “I only gained (BLANK) amount of weight.” Just don’t say it, especially if it is a low number. Us pregnant women only want to hear about the women that got as fat as we did.

This next comment wasn’t rude, but it made me realize I had gained TOO MUCH weight.

5. Said by another pregnant woman in France, “My doctor said that if you gained weight in your arms, you have gained too much.”  OOPS!!!  haha!!

And then the glorious comments after Maisie was born:

1. “I didn’t know you would still look pregnant.” 

2. “You are like a fat version of Jen.”

3. “Now you have the body of a Dutch woman.”

If you would like to make conversation with a pregnant woman and feel the need to talk about her appearance, here are some acceptable things to say:

1. “You look beautiful!”

2. “Your skin looks great!”

3. “Wow, your hair is getting so full and is so shiny!” 

You get the point.  NO comments on weight gain, wherever that may be.  NEVER say someone has gained weight in their face or their butt or their arms or their hips or love handles or anywhere, except maybe the belly and ONLY after the first trimester, otherwise, you are just commenting on their fat. 🙂

Aughhh, it feels good to get that off my chest. So now we all know that when I get pregnant, I don’t want to hear anything about where I have gained weight or what I should or shouldn’t be eating. Can I get an “Amen” out there???  🙂  Feel free to share some of your comments if you also need to get those off your chest!!


  1. Jeni on November 13, 2008 at 10:25 am

    I hear ya, sister. I also hate this one (which I heard yesterday as I was packing up at the end of my work-day): “WOW, you look tired.” Yes, thanks so much for that kind assessment. Last I checked, in addition to keeping my own self alive and living, I was growing another human inside of me. Perhaps that might contribute to my weariness. I so appreciate you pointing that out, especially as I am feeling oh-so-pretty in my too tight pants (that are held up with a rubber band).

  2. Michael on November 13, 2008 at 1:39 pm

    Oh My Gosh – Hilarious…I’m pretty sure I didn’t say of those things, but if you ever hear me say anything like that to any woman, I should be hurt!

  3. Katie Fretland on November 13, 2008 at 5:57 pm

    I love it! You are so funny, I agree with all of them but let me add one more: Women who have never had a baby saying -“When I get pregnant, I’m going to only gain like 20 pounds” or describing how they hope to carry ( “all belly” is actually only 10% of women, according to my midwives and I have only seen it twice!)

    I WILL myself to enjoy my next pregnancy more, and to avoid people who say comments about pregnant moodiness or clothing, as well. While we’re on this topic- Let’s start trying in February! I am all down for a Nov-Jan birth again!

  4. Jocelyn on November 13, 2008 at 7:40 pm

    Being prego right now. . . boy did this hit home. Someone just said to me last week that “You’re not carrying baby in front, baby is definitely in your back.” Um, I don’t want to look like I’m growing from side to side. Gggggrrrrrr! Great blog Jen. Thanks for the smiles. I’m praying with you that you can settle down and fulfill that baby itch soon. It’s soooooo fun! Did you hear that we’re having our first girl?! After 2 boys, I’m so ready for some pink. Yeah! Love you friend.

  5. Mom on November 13, 2008 at 11:59 pm

    ummmm. let’s just get going on getting that brother or sister for maisie 🙂

  6. Jamie on November 14, 2008 at 10:07 am

    Ah Jen, this is great. I read it thinking in my head, ¨Did I say any of those things…¨ If I did, thank you for your forgiveness. But honestly, this is great and I will remember these for all my pregnant friends.

  7. Svest on November 14, 2008 at 11:54 am

    AWESOME!!!!! And seriously..the “AFTER BIRTH COMMENTS” though, completely rude and uncalled for…had me roaring! I just can’t believe some think some of those comments are okay. I know I got many of them as well. Mostly “your face has really taken all the weight huh?” Why not just say “wow! I never knew you could grow a double chin.”
    Why do people even need to comment on the appearance of a pregnant women? Unless it’s a compliment? I believe it is from complete insecurity on their part. Sorry if that is rude…but seriously. I just think to comment on ANYONES appearance at any time that is not a compliment, is absolutely uncalled for. And yeah, obviously I have had that happen to me this week. Not only did an old friend that I was reunited with recently told me how funny it was that I got teased for looking like Dopey…a good friend of mine commented on how Jason looks like Gilligan to her while laughing about it. It’s a shame when people take their own insecurities out on others. Do they feel better when they do this? whew. SOrry…erase this comment if I went overboard. Obviously…this one is on the forefront of my mind. Pregnant or not. 🙂

  8. Becky on November 19, 2008 at 10:37 pm

    Hey, you don’t know me, I’m a friend of Bri Johns from So Cal. She sent me the link to this post because I had a baby 6 months ago, and I too have had rediculous said to me, mostly after he was born. The “best” two that I got: “You look so good! What month are you in?” (Keep in mind that I was no longer pregnant at that time!) And also, “Why are you still waddling?” Really, WHAT goes through people’s minds?! Ok, thanks for sharing this! It’s nice to know I’m not alone! 🙂

  9. mariah on November 22, 2008 at 7:41 pm

    I love it! I remember the 1st and only time I’ve actually “met/seen you” and I was 5 months pregnant and you said something like “oh i didn’t even notice!” and “you look amazing!” here are some things to add to your list that people said to me and I just couldn’t believe.
    1. speaking of big when are you gonna have that baby (i was only 6 1/2 months pregnant) !
    2. Are you having twins?
    3. You’re huge…have you gotten a ton of stretch marks?
    the best is one my sister said to me….”wow your boobs look great but your butt is getting really big!”
    Why do people feel like they need to comment on how freakin’ huge I got?

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