Tonight was one of those nights where it sort of just sucks to be a parent. Not because Maisie was a pain in the butt, or because I was feeling selfish (like I often can feel). Tonight sucked because I had no idea how to comfort my little girl.
Maisie has been sick for the last few days with a stomach flu so she has been a little more out of sorts than normal. Besides that, we are STILL in transition. We haven’t really had a “home” since she was nine months old. We had some make-shift places we called home for weeks at a time, but never went over two months in the same place.
As you can imagine, it is starting to take a toll on our family. I can especially see that in Maisie. I think now that she is two, she is appreciating more of a routine and doesn’t like to be dragged around from meeting to meeting or home to home or bed to bed or city to city or country to country. She wants stability and I can see that. I think my motherly intuition is telling me to give her stability, but I am at a loss. I have NO idea how to do that right now. We are getting ready to head to Portland for a few weeks, then back to Sacramento, then back to L.A., then back to Europe. Then who knows what’s going to happen once we are there. For the first few weeks we will be in a few different places.
What am I doing to my child!?!? It is honestly heartbreaking. People say that children are resilient and can go with the flow, but enough is enough already. We have tried our best to give her stability in the midst of transition, but what she really needs is an end to transition, and how do I do that?
Tonight when we came back to my mom’s house, where we have been staying since before Christmas, Maisie walked in, looked around and ran to the front door crying, saying, “I go home! I want to go home!!” The sad part about this, is that Justin and I have no idea what she even means saying that. Where is home? When is the last time we had a “home”? We have NO clue what she was referring to. We want to go home too. I felt like Maisie was yelling exactly what Justin and I are yelling in our heads, it is just that none of us knows what that means.